


You Don't Have To

by Blaise_On_Melancholy_Hill



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Comforting Zayn, Depressed Liam Payne, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mentions of past self-harm, Self-Hatred, Unresolved, angsty and sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-06
Updated: 2019-11-06
Packaged: 2021-01-24 04:07:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,088
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21332020
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Blaise_On_Melancholy_Hill/pseuds/Blaise_On_Melancholy_Hill
Summary: Zayn and Liam sit down to have a proper conversation about Liam's doubts. Open ended, unresolved ending.Not that they break up, or that they get into a fight, just ends on a sort of sombre note.
Relationships: Zayn Malik/Liam Payne
Comments: 4
Kudos: 19





	You Don't Have To

**Author's Note:**

> For my girlfriend. I'm sorry, baby.

'I'll be over soon. I can hang out for a bit.'

The words popped up on Liam's screen and he couldn't help the soft breath he let out, quickly typing out his reply. 

'Don't worry about it. You don't have to if you don't want to.'

He turned the phone off, setting it off to the side, more than willing to just spend the night alone rather than making Zayn come all the way over here just to keep him entertained- even if they only lived down the street from one another. He hated being a burden, hated the way that he had to ask for anything, hated that he had to depend on anybody for anything at all. 

It was late anyways, nearly eleven and with winter well on the way, there was no way that Zayn would actually _want_ to walk over here just to see him, through the wind and the cold. They'd been dating for a long time now- a couple years, but some part of Liam still couldn't believe that even with his abrasive attitude and the way he could cut people open with nothing but words, Zayn still wanted to be with him. Sweet, loving Zayn who deserved so much more than being stuck in this dead end relationship in this little dead end town with him.

He didn't get a reply for a few minutes and Liam sank a little further into the couch with a soft breath. Of course, he had given the out and Zayn had taken it. Liam didn't blame him at all. He had just settled into another YouTube video that he wasn't paying any real attention to when his phone went off again. 

'So you don't want to hang out tonight?'

Liam bit his lip, huffing out another one of those pained breaths, figuring that Zayn was just making sure so that he didn't need to move from whatever comfortable place he had found for himself. 

'No, I do- I always do. It's just up to you.'

'Well then I'm coming over.'

'And then we're going to have a talk.'

The second text came in just a couple moments after the first and Liam's heart leapt up into his throat. Oh no. Here it was. Some part of him was sure now, sure that Zayn had finally gotten fed up with him, sure that he was going to spend the rest of his life alone- just like his ex best friend from high school had assured him would happen. He could still hear the words too, the hurt tone they had been spoken in as his friend had yelled at him on the street, in front of the chain link fence around the school downtown. It had been years, but he still remembered the anger in those eyes, the way he had slapped a hand against the fence, making it rattle and shake for a few moments as he had screamed and assured Liam that-

"You will never find anybody that could possibly love you! You're such a fucking nightmare to be around- you'll be fucking alone for the rest of your goddamn life!'"

And, Liam had agreed. Softly, meekly, he had agreed and it had been true up until September Ninth two years and nearly two months ago. When he had finally worked up enough liquid courage to take Zayn for himself after a night at the local bar- in the midst of an already crumbling online relationship that by the end he hadn't been sure was completely real. 

It only took another almost eight minutes exactly before Zayn was walking through his front door, not bothering to knock or really even pause besides to take his shoes off. He dropped down onto the couch by Liam, watching him quietly for a moment before he finally spoke. 

"Why do you do that?"

"Do what?" 

"You don't have to if you don't want to," Zayn recited softly. "Why do you always say that? I'm your boyfriend. Of course I want to see you and spend time with you." 

Liam shrugged, never really good with the whole 'emotions' thing, but Zayn wasn't about to let it drop. He asked again, insisting this time that Liam tell him and with a soft breath, Liam finally began to speak. 

"I don't say it because I don't want to," He said softly. "Trust me, I always want to be with you. I always want to hang out with you, I just..." 

He paused and Zayn let him, staying quiet as he just watched Liam try to find the words, his head tilted down in that way that made some little part of Zayn pity him. 

"I just wanted to give you an out," Liam finally said. "I didn't want you to think that you had to spend time with me, or that you have to go out of your way for me. I'm not all that important and I'm sure you have better things to do. I just don't want you thinking that you have to be with me, you know? You could have anybody else and you _settled_ for me, I know you did."

Zayn let out a soft breath with the confession, reaching over to take hold of Liam's hand. "I'm with you because I love you." 

"I know, and I love you too- more than you could ever know, I just..." Liam paused again with a soft breath. "I've never really had to let anybody in before, you know? Nobody ever cared, nobody ever bothered with me." 

Absently, Liam traced his fingertips over the inside of his left forearm where swathes of white scars had been left, years upon years of healing and opening new marks overtop of ones that were already there. "I thought I could just be the same, but... I can't hide everything from you as easily as I can from everybody else- and I... some part of me hates it. I hate that I need so much from you, that I ask for so much. I hate myself sometimes- most times, because I've never been able to treat you the way you deserve. I'm sorry."

"You have nothing to apologize for," Zayn assured gently, giving Liam's hand a squeeze. 

"But I do. I'm sorry that I can't be what you need. I'm sorry that even _I_ dislike myself so much I can't even look in the mirror. You mean so much to me, but I'm... incapable of showing it and I'm so sorry."


End file.
